Woof!

This is a parody of a favourite poem of mine: 'If' by Rudyard Kipling.. And 'If' you haven't read it already, what are you waiting for?!  http://allpoetry.com/poem/8445295-If....-by-Rudyard_Kipling


Woof!

If you can hold your bark when all men about you

Are losing their mind and taking it out on you

If you can wag your tail when all men spurn you

Yet make allowance for their spurning too

If you can wait, and not be tired by waiting

As long as it takes for your master’s return

Or being hated, don’t give way to hating

Just keep on licking in the hope they’ll learn

If you can listen to the sorrows of your master

Nor judge him, but be his constant friend

If you can save him from hurt and disaster

Nor expect a reward or the favour returned

If you can bear to hear the harsh words spoken

To you for every deed misunderstood

Or watch your precious horde of old bones broken

Nor bite them back or speak a word

If you can leap or send a ball spinning

And run for every stick pitched out

And catching it, run back to the beginning

Restart the game, nor tire out

If you can force you heart and nerve and sinew

To serve your master long after they are gone

And so hold on when there’s nothing in you

Except his voice, which tells you, “Hold On”

If you can live in streets, nor lose your virtue

Or walk with humans nor lose the canine touch

If neither sticks nor stones can hurt you

Yet a master’s unkind glance prove too much

If you can chase a car every other minute

For sixty blocks worth of distance run

Yours is the Earth, and all smells in it

And-which is more- you’ll be a Dog my pup!

Ode to the death of a favorite phone

Another parody! This one's a reworking of 'Ode to the Death of a favourite Cat' by Thomas Grey (http://www.potw.org/archive/potw90.html) in memory of my cracked iPhone screen courtesy my dog Kola, written, as usual, in class. The horrors narrated below transpired when we were returning from the Pujo Pandal at night & Kola tackled us in welcome, causing me to drop the delicate phone (Stupid impractical fingerhold-less phone with a fragile screen, which costs a fortune to mend to boot) causing it to smash its face on the asphalt)

Ode to the Death of a Favourite Phone 

T'was on a dark and gloomy night

That America’s costliest art had mired

The pretty phone that blew,

Silliest of the canine kind

Boka Kola got aligned

And jumped up from below

Her conscious tale her joy declared

The dark round face, the warty beard

The mud tracked on her paws,

Her coat that with the auroch vies

Her ears of jet, and soulful eyes

She saw and set her course

Still had she stay’d, but midst the tide

Two loved forms were seen to glide

Of family Mukherjee,

Their dresses colourful Puja sheen

Through richest crimson did the scene

Betray a high-tech gleam

The hapless sis with wonder saw

A whisker first and then the dog;

Pulling an anxious face,

She stretched in vain to reach device

What teenage heart can tech despise,

What dog’s averse to mess?

Presumptuous maid! With looks intent

Desperate she stretched, down she bent

Nor knew the gulf between

(Malignant fate sat by and smiled)

Her slippery tips the phone beguiled

It tumbled and did spin

Eight cracks emerging on its hood

It shattered, evoking all tech Gods

Some speedy aid to send.

No iTunes came, nor Apple stirred

Nor cruel Jobbs nor Stevie heard

Product callback has no trend

From hence you foolhardies, undeceived,

Know one false step is nev’r retrieved

And so with caution discern

Since all that tempts your wandering sight

And tech fetish is defective trite

And all that shatters, an iPhone.

MAD ABOUT DOGS!

This is something I wrote on the spur of the moment. If you can identify with it please leave a comment :)

Mad about dogs!


A cute little pug or a friendly lab, an intimidating Doberman or an adorable mongrel, dogs can just make anyone’s day. Nothing beats the affection they harbor for you. Their evident joy upon seeing you return home after a long day chases away all your tiredness and frustration. Owning a dog is complete bliss, so why doesn’t everyone in the world hurry to the nearby pet shop to get one of these delightful furry companions for themselves?
The answer is simple. It’s because they know better than to believe everything a dog adoption pamphlet says. Let me clear up all confusions on this issue. Owning a dog is nothing but WORK. Caring for a dog is even more traumatic than caring for a new born baby. At least with babies there are chances that it will grow up and cease to be a burden, but dogs are a pain their whole life. They need constant care, are the most shameless attention seekers, and consider any moment of your time not spent doing a hundred and one things for them as wasted. Their ‘potty training’ can last from months to years, and they will still adorn your house with their oh so endearing faeces every once in a while for the express purpose of keeping you on your toes. Dirtying the house’s front entrance just when you are about to entertain special guests happens to be their forte. The number of medicines they need to be fed outnumber those had by the whole family put together, and each visit to the vet is fraught with peril for anyone in the vicinity. They happen to be the most ungrateful creatures on the planet, giving you the dirtiest of looks every time you force a pill down their throats or make them take a bath- ruining your own clothes in the process. You take great pains to teach them a clever trick but when you take them around to show off to your friends they mysteriously forget all that they had learned, leaving you looking considerably sillier than before. You have to brush their coat, file their nails, groom their skin, use particular shampoos, conditioners and perfumes until your bathroom cupboard gets completely filled with your dog’s cosmetic necessities leaving you no space for your small bar of soap. The family budget is clearly defined the moment you get a dog. Half the income must be reserved for your dog’s expenses and the other half can be used for less pressing needs such as the rent and the groceries and the college fees.
Our flea-bitten, tick-ridden lords and masters need us humble servants to do all in our power to keep them happy and contented. We must scratch their ears for long hours irrespective of our aching arms. If they demand to go out for a walk we must drop all other things at hand and rush to take them. Our requirement for sleep is less important than theirs, so while we are not allowed to disturb their precious napping hours, they may come and wake us up as and when they please. Our beds, pillows and blankets are there for their express use, even if it means shoving us off the bed to use them. They must not be expected to sleep in their own separate corner. They can and will take the best couch in the living room.
Yes, owning a dog means all of these hardships and much much more. So why are we so ready to embrace a life of servitude when we decide to adopt a dog? Are all dog-owners masochists to revel in such a life? Why do my eyes well with tears at the thought of losing my dog? You see, there is one thing that atones for all of this suffering, one irrational habit we develop which makes us look upon these demons through rose tinted glasses. Because...believe it or not...We LOVE ’em!